LifeAdviceSite.com

Whoa, Witchy Woman Back to Dating
By LifeAdviceSite.com

I bet there is more than one man out there who has found themselves in a

relationship with a woman they simply don't recognize anymore. When you first fell in love, she was sweet and loving. She was so caring and giving, happily meeting your needs and taking care of you in many ways. She was cute and cuddly, and behaved like she was so much in love. It made you love her all the more, right?

So what happened? Where did that woman go? She's been replaced by someone who is tense, who nit-picks and nags. She seems cranky with you so much of the time, and you feel like you simply can't do anything right anymore.

Sound familiar?

I've been this woman, so I can speak to the situation. When I first met my finance, I was so happy to find him and so delighted he was the man of my dreams. I was content being with him and felt like I wanted to do everything I could for him. I cooked him special meals, I bought clothes for him when I was out shopping for myself, I picked up little treats for him at the grocery store and I constantly sought ways to get healthy food into him since he had the diet of a typical bachelor (pizza and chicken nuggets). I'd been waiting my whole life to find this man and shower him with love and caring.

The feelings on his end were mutual. He was very much taken with me and happy he'd found the woman of his dreams. He came over to see me all the time, and we stole whatever few hours we could before and after work. We met in the evenings for ice cream and went out walking and hiking every weekend. We spent lazy, romantic afternoons floating on the lake in the boat, talking about our pasts and dreaming about our future. It was a magical time.

Then something changed. He came over less. He was focused on work, and we didn't spend as much time together. He spent less time telling me how glad he was I'd come into his life and how great he thought I was. He didn't call as much. He seemed distracted all the time and didn't seem to notice a new dress or the special dinner I'd made for him. I wasn't getting any accolade or appreciation for the things I did for him. I was beginning to feel not only neglected but taken for granted. I felt hurt by the things he wasn't doing for me - not calling, not taking me out and

not taking care of me like I was taking care of him. I was frustrated and felt a little duped, like he thought he didn't have to try anymore after he had won my heart.

As a result of those feelings, I often felt on edge and stressed out by the state of our relationship. Some days I was mildly depressed and not sure if we should stick it out together. Other days I felt angry at him,and when he didn't do anything to acknowledge my feelings and talk them out with me, it would frustrate me more. Being in such a frazzled state within our relationship, I wasn't able to brush off the little things like the times he left his socks on the floor or when he didn't put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. When I felt loved and cared for, I could sweetly remind him to take care of his stuff and relax while he did so. When I was frustrated and resentful to begin with it just felt like another area he was failing me and I couldn't maintain my patience. I ran out of energy to take care of him because my emotions were running on empty, and he wasn't doing the things that used to fill me up so my heart was overflowing with love for him. I heard myself speaking to him with frustration and knowing what was at the root of my emotion, I knew it was unfair to let the state of our relationship change my personality. As a result, I had to take time away to fill myself back up even though I wanted to be with him.

As it turned out, the behavior change I witnessed was a man focusing on his career and finances so we could get married, move in together and begin our lives. He was getting serious about us when I felt he was abandoning us, and his single-minded focus left me feeling neglected even though everything he was doing was for us.

As always, communication is key. Once you figure out what's missing and what is at the root of the behavior, you can work it out together. Never fear - you can get that sweet woman back. You just need to be patient and talk things out to figure out why she went away in the first place.